The New York Times spent a few days as a dog… but, well, without getting dirty?
A few times here on my humble blog, I have had occasion to take issue with the Grey Lady, the Magnus Carlson of Newspapers, the Major Domo, the prestigious and efficacious New York Times, the austere and magnificent.
While not making the list of major scandals at the NYT, I did question the rationale for publishing an article about a “new” respiratory disease in dogs late last year in this post. Essentially, there was no real evidence of a new disease and the article was alarmist — indeed people were canceling their reservations here at Glencadia Dog Camp, pretty much for no reason.
Where is the “new” disease now? Oh well, that’s yesterday’s news… lining the bottom of the bird cage. What is a little alarmism about a non-existent disease between friends? These things happen (and disrupt operations for no reason but we can let that slide, as humble dog care folks).
So, what do we find today? Well, this article about luxury dog hotels. A friend forwarded this to me saying, “Well, this is what your customers want you had better get with the program.”
Input from the customers
So I went out and checked with the customers and it seems this is what they want:
I tried to read them some of the choice quotes from the article, but unfortunately, they do not have access to language (no language, but all but one have tails, which might be a good deal, maybe a tail is better than yapping… keep reading to find out why, I mean why tails are great, not why one dog doesn’t have one… she doesn’t like to talk about that).
Luckily, they were able to express their preferences by rolling in manure, crawling in holes, and several other unmentionable things which included butts and noses interacting, which is suboptimal for humans in most cases, including reporters on assignment.
They were also able to express their preferences with their handy dandy tails (sorry, except for one with a stubby little “tail” that, well… Puppe we love you anyway).
Here’s the thing, if you dog is filthy, you might not want him/her in your bed or even your house. So, when you pay for someone else to watch the dog, why don’t you let the dog get dirty in THEIR place? That seems like something worth paying for! Outsource your mud!
So, the article… stuffies, a swimming pool, leashes… all that stuff in the article we don’t do. Rather, muddy ponds, sticks, and not a leash anywhere to be seen are our kind of thing. No bedtime stories.
When do these dogs at these luxury reports get dirty?
Do you know that dogs tend to be happy when they find the carcass of a dead animal in the woods? That might not be a good idea, but if you take the stinky dead squirrel away, they tend to look sad.
That never happens at dog camp by the way… my dog, on the other hand, out here in the country… yes. “I don’t want my dog rolling on dead animals when they go to dog camp!” Don’t worry — that’s an upcharge special luxury feature we only offer to our gold customers… way expensive. If you have to ask how much, you can’t afford it. Our platinum customers can roll on a dead skunk and then have a bath in tomato juice or milk afterwards, neither of which really work.
…sorry, where was I?
They will do some things that are quite revolting which I think we can guess without having to out any of our beloved campers as a … well… KZ we love you anyway.
So, I would like to cordially invite the New York Times to send a reporter up here to Glencadia to do this (the highlight is at minute 1:21 when I jump in the pond with all those dogs — this is — believe it or not — my job, suckers!):
It would be way more fun than that stuff you did at your luxury spots!
Hey, NYT, come on up here and try that!
We will be muddy here!
Quick Nonsequitor
Don’t you wish you had a tail?
Tails are mad cool.
Tails being awesome is in fact HARD SCIENCE. Back trouble? Feeling stiff in the morning?
You are missing your premordial non-existent tail!
…she eats poop, which is mad nasty in case you were wondering… I can’t stop her… Pandas do that and it’s good for them, so there is some hope.
This post is in response to a New York Times article with byline Sam Apple titled, “My Goldendoodle Spent a Week at Some Luxury Dog ‘Hotels.’ I Tagged Along. How exactly did dogs take over our world? This writer journeys into the bespoke pet care industry to find out.”
By Sam Apple
March 14, 2024
By the time my goldendoodle, Steve, and I pulled up to our resting place, I was tired from the long drive and already second-guessing my plan. I felt a little better when we stepped inside the Dogwood Acres Pet Retreat. The lobby, with its elegant tiled entrance, might have passed for the lobby of any small countryside hotel, at least one that strongly favored dog-themed décor. But this illusion was broken when the receptionist reviewed our reservation — which, in addition to our luxury suite, included cuddle time, group play, a nature walk and a “belly rub tuck-in.”