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DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a three-bedroom apartment in New York City with two roommates I found online. For the most part, we’ve managed to get along well and coexist peacefully. However, a few months ago, one of my roommates got a dog, and while I was initially OK with it, the situation spiraled out of control quickly.
At first, I was excited about having a pet in the apartment. I’m a dog lover, and I didn’t think twice about welcoming the new addition. Unfortunately, it’s become clear that my roommate’s dog isn’t well-trained at all. He regularly has accidents inside the apartment, which my roommate doesn’t always clean up right away, leaving an unpleasant smell throughout the common areas. To make matters worse, the dog has also been destructive. He’s chewed up several pieces of our furniture in the living room, including the arm of our couch and one of the coffee table legs, not to mention clawing at the carpet. My roommate hasn’t shown any interest in training the dog nor in contributing to replace or repair the things he’s destroyed. How can I address this in a way that encourages my roommate to take responsibility for her dog’s behavior? — Roommate Drama
DEAR ROOMMATE DRAMA: Create a list of concerns that you have, preferably for all roommates — including yourself. Call a meeting. Bring up your issues, starting with the easier ones first, like kitchen and bathroom duties. Then move on to the dog and address those problems directly. Suggest that your roommate train her dog and clean up after it immediately — or else. You and your other roommate — and potentially your landlord — will have to put your collective foot down to let this roommate know that there will be consequences.
DEAR HARRIETTE: After the presidential election, I learned that my roommate and I do not share political views. I am sad now, and she is elated, and it is really hard to move forward. We argue whenever we talk. We have such different opinions about our world and our politics. I feel like it isn’t safe to be in my house because the way we think is so different. When I come home, I want to be able to relax. I want to move out, but it can’t happen for a few months. How can I deal with her until that time, and is it even worth it to talk to her since we have such different beliefs about the future? — Political Differences
DEAR POLITICAL DIFFERENCES: I appreciate your conundrum, and I believe you can live through it. The great news about living in the United States is that we are supposed to be able to agree to disagree. No matter how heated things may become, we are supposed to be able to live side by side with people who don’t share our views. In practice, that can be tough.
Start by bringing up the elephant in the room. Express your feelings of discomfort, and tell your roommate that you are having a hard time grappling with your different worldviews. Ask her if you can agree to keep your conversations to neutral topics rather than lighting on incendiary issues. Agree to turn the page, so to speak, when an argument is beginning. You can also let her know your plans to move out. During the time that you have to be there, agree to be civil with each other.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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